Death

Death.

It’s the one thing in life that is inevitable – yet, somehow, we tend to believe it is the one thing that will never happen to us.

I’m 18. The length of death I have known is my friend’s fathers, my cousin’s father’s and, more recently, my lifelong pet’s. 

I can’t grasp how people go on after the death of a loved one. When, two years ago, one friend revealed to me the death of another friend’s father (who was on the other side of the world) I could hardly manage it. The agony of knowing someone you love so much is in such deep pain is indescribable. To this day I wish I were there for her so I could hug her and hold her.

When the day comes that I have to deal with the death of a loved one I’m unaware of how I’ll handle it. I do not believe I will deal with it well. My dog has just passed on and I’ve completely blocked out the feelings – this seems to be how I go about everything. My mum has been seated close by sobbing whilst my eyes have remained dry. I want to cry. I love crying, yet I find it such an uneasy task.

No one wants to experience death or pain. No one wants to obtain the knowledge that their friends and family are hurting because the life of someone has been lost to the world. I don’t want to have to hold my mother because her mother has passed. I don’t want to tell my friend “everything will be okay” after her father has passed on. I know life will move on, but that doesn’t change that she is hurting in that moment.

I want to take all the pain away from everyone. I want to make sure my friends and family never hurt. I want to know their laughs are eternal and their smiles may well be tattooed on their face because that is what is beautiful. But I can’t do that.

I’ll have to deal with death one day, and when the day comes I hope I’m okay. 

P.s. I need to learn how to write.