Sunday, 2 February 2014


I am 19. The first person to tell you that I know hardly anything about life is me.
Throughout the years I have attempted to claw my way into a slightly sound mind, and, on many occasions, failed miserably.

Constantly I find myself laying in bed confronted by terrifying thoughts, and along with those thoughts, a little voice in the back of my mind telling me all the things that are wrong with me.
The majority of people I know have struggled with self esteem issues throughout their lives, thus, I found my struggles were just something normal, something that would go away when I settled into myself. The mental battles of my friends were absolutely nothing to be shrugged off - anyone who feels like they're less than what they are needs to be given the adequate love and attention to make them believe they are as great as the moon on a clear night, and although I am aware of that, my struggles manifested in me harming myself, starving myself, ruining myself.

It all comes down to how we, as individuals, deal with things. My coping mechanisms were more harmful than the actual thoughts inside my head - but that is not the point - the point is that the thoughts inside my head became so strong that they flushed out like water in a newly-smashed glass.

What I've learnt from my various attempts at trying to free myself from negativity, is that you cannot allow the harshness of the universe convince you that you are worth nothing. Every person in this universe is worth something.
Throughout your life you will encounter people who want to drag you down, people who will continually point out those little things that make the world ugly. I have found it is important to be aware of these things - being willingly ignorant is not a way to live, but they are going to try and keep you unhappy - the negativity inside your soul will latch onto them in order to louden their voice, and so it is important to stay optimistic in spite of such situations.

Keep yourself occupied.
Writing has such an immense effect over my life, recently I traveled to Europe for 5 months and hardly wrote at all, but, whenever I was having a particularly harsh night, I continually found myself opening my notes and typing away on my iPhone. Getting everything down, coherently, was such an escape for me and really helped me see the light, per say.

Find what suits you and embrace it, if that's playing video games, play the fuck out of that Playstation/Xbox/Wii - until the rubber wears down, but invite someone to play it with you - don't lock yourself away from society.

Breathe in fresh air. Go for walks - fresh air is so important, not only for our body, but for our minds and our souls - I find if I'm locked in the house all day I find I feel sluggish and angry when the sun goes down.

Get up before 10am - I know that sleep is very important, but losing half the day really can have such a negative effect over your attitude in day-to-day life. When I get up at 10-12, there is no doubt I'm going to feel unfulfilled by the end of the day. Go to bed earlier and wake up earlier - trust me, if nothing else, you will feel more productive.

Write a list of things that you like about yourself - these things do not have to be physical, they can be anything from the way your mum looks at you when you smile, to the fact that you like chocolate. Be kind, be gentle with yourself, when you are feeling run down by the world, take out this list as a reminder that you are really great.

"Fake it 'til you make it" - when I first heard this line all I could think was that it sounded like a ridiculously redundant coping mechanism - but this has been one of the major strengths I have held throughout my recovery. Fake fake fake, I know that sounds wrong, but after a while you start to believe the things you thought you were faking. Fake that you believe your worth everything, fake that you believe your gorgeous, and one day you might really start to believe it. As you should, as it is true.

There are so many more things that can be helpful, such as finding a friend to confide in, and I will probably do another post on this subject, but for now, try and do these things.

Keep the negative thoughts at bay (it's okay to be negative sometimes) and the positive stronger, you are worth so much.



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